Of Parents AND CHILDREN

THE joys of parents are secret; and so are their

griefs and fears.  They cannot utter the one;

nor they will not utter the other.  Children sweeten

labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter.

They increase the cares of life; but they mitigate

the remembrance of death.  The perpetuity by

generation is common to beasts; but memory,

merit, and noble works, are proper to men.  And

surely a man shall see the noblest works and foun-

dations have proceeded from childless men; which

have sought to express the images of their minds,

where those of their bodies have failed.  So the care

of posterity is most in them, that have no posterity.

They that are the first raisers of their houses, are

most indulgent towards their children; beholding

them as the continuance, not only of their kind, but

of their work; and so both children and creatures.
 
 

The difference in affection, of parents towards

their several children, is many times unequal; and

sometimes unworthy; especially in the mothers;

as Solomon saith, A wise son rejoiceth the father,

but an ungracious son shames the mother.  A man

shall see, where there is a house full of children,

one or two of the eldest respected, and the young-

est made wantons; but in the midst, some that

are as it were forgotten, who many times, never-

theless, prove the best.  The illiberality of parents,

in allowance towards their children, is an harmful

error; makes them base; acquaints them with

shifts; makes them sort with mean company; and

makes them surfeit more when they come to

plenty.  And therefore the proof is best, when men

keep their authority towards the children, but not

their purse.  Men have a foolish manner (both par-

ents and schoolmasters and servants) in creating

and breeding an emulation between brothers, dur-

ing childhood, which many times sorteth to dis-

cord when they are men, and disturbeth families.

The Italians make little difference between chil-

dren, and nephews or near kinsfolks; but so they

be of the lump, they care not though they pass not

through their own body.  And, to say truth, in

nature it is much a like matter; insomuch that we

see a nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle, or

a kinsman, more than his own parent; as the blood

happens.  Let parents choose betimes, the vocations

and courses they mean their children should take;

for then they are most flexible; and let them not

too much apply themselves to the disposition of

their children, as thinking they will take best to

that, which they have most mind to.  It is true, that

if the affection or aptness of the children be extra-

ordinary, then it is good not to cross it; but gener-

ally the precept is good, optimum elige, suave et

facile illud faciet consuetudo.  Younger brothers

are commonly fortunate, but seldom or never

where the elder are disinherited.